Arrived home from my weekly trip into the "Semi-big Smoke" a few hours ago. Been not-so-aimlessly surfing the internet since then.
It was an interesting couple of appointments with the pdoc, focusing primarily on the relationship with my husband and the issues surrounding leaving or staying with him. Although he would never say so, I think the pdoc is hoping I separate from the husband.
I wish I knew what was for the best. My husband is not an asshole by any stretch of the imagination. I wish he was. It would make my decision so much easier (I think) if that was the case. However, and he admits this, the husband is unable to cope with my illness or offer any meaningful support; apart from practical I guess since he goes off to work every day while I sit at home.
I am tired of trying to cope by myself. We essentially live in different ends of the house, only sharing a bed when he is working day shift. The vast majority of the time, we are sitting in front of our respective computers in separate rooms. My "job" in the relationship seems to be for me to cook and clean for him, and lend an ear when he comes home from work if he needs to talk about his day.
What is his job supposed to be? Is he supposed to provide me with more than a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat? Is he supposed to be there for me emotionally too? Years ago, when things went south with my health, should he have done some research about it, even through Google or something, and learnt how to support me in some way? Hell, I wish he had. I feel lost and alone.
The pdoc as suggested I write a letter to the husband since I seem unable to talk with him about the situation. That's not a bad idea. Even if I never show it to him it might help me identify what is going on inside me. It might help me identify what I really want from the husband if the relationship was to continue.
It was an interesting couple of appointments with the pdoc, focusing primarily on the relationship with my husband and the issues surrounding leaving or staying with him. Although he would never say so, I think the pdoc is hoping I separate from the husband.
I wish I knew what was for the best. My husband is not an asshole by any stretch of the imagination. I wish he was. It would make my decision so much easier (I think) if that was the case. However, and he admits this, the husband is unable to cope with my illness or offer any meaningful support; apart from practical I guess since he goes off to work every day while I sit at home.
I am tired of trying to cope by myself. We essentially live in different ends of the house, only sharing a bed when he is working day shift. The vast majority of the time, we are sitting in front of our respective computers in separate rooms. My "job" in the relationship seems to be for me to cook and clean for him, and lend an ear when he comes home from work if he needs to talk about his day.
What is his job supposed to be? Is he supposed to provide me with more than a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat? Is he supposed to be there for me emotionally too? Years ago, when things went south with my health, should he have done some research about it, even through Google or something, and learnt how to support me in some way? Hell, I wish he had. I feel lost and alone.
The pdoc as suggested I write a letter to the husband since I seem unable to talk with him about the situation. That's not a bad idea. Even if I never show it to him it might help me identify what is going on inside me. It might help me identify what I really want from the husband if the relationship was to continue.
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