TF Journey Four Weeks Down

Been doing well on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program. I've finished my fourth week and have lost a total of  8.4kg. The weight is probably falling off slightly too fast at the moment (not that I'm complaining, mind you), but I'm sure it will start to slow down to only 1kg or a little less per week soon. If all goes well this coming week though, I should break below the 100kg barrier. That would be nice. I would love to be under 100kg and I do very much hope that I will never get to above 100kg again. Hell, I've joked with the hubby a couple of times that I will weigh less than him. He's 80kg (one of those tall thin type of people the bugger). It definitely would be nice to get underneath 80kg, but that is a long way off in the future just yet. It is achievable however.

Now, exercise has been a different matter completely. I'm doing a little bit of it, mainly on an old exercise bike I have at home. Walking the dog has gone by the wayside. The last few times I was out with the dog, the social anxiety really kicked in, so I've not been able to take poor Nikki for another walk since then. The exercise bike is good enough for the moment, however I will need to become more regular with it. One day I might even see if the old home gym outside still works. :)

Anyway, there's probably so much more to write, but I think this time I will write the mental health stuff in my hand written journal. I've just eaten a portion of shepherds pie for dinner and I'm way too full and tired to get into much more tonight. :D

One Week Down

The first week on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program went well. I stuck to it 100%. The big change for me was that I cooked every day, except for Wednesday when I spent the night in Semi Big Smoke after my pdoc appointment. Lost 3.7kg. I know that first week losses are higher than the average due to the "water weight" issue, but still, gotta be happy with that.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to muster any excitement about the first week weight loss. Head-wise I am feeling very flat. I'm not feeling as seriously depressed as I have been, but I'm not feeling all that good either, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel like I just can't win, but hey, that's just the way it is I guess.

In a way, I think I'm missing "my guys". The mind has been too quiet. Nobody has made their presence known during pdoc appointments for a while. I'm missing Kelly's silliness and Mel's strength; even Alki. It's lonely not being able to feel them.

Anyway, the in-laws are arriving tomorrow. I should be getting stuck into the housework. Motivation is very lacking though. It might be time for a cup of tea and then I spot of action I think.

Oh My!

It's 5:20pm and I've just (almost) finished my first day on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program. Actually, there's a few more hours to go yet before I even attempt to go to bed but half of those will be filled with trying to clean the kitchen after I made a mess cooking dinner. I am not a neat cook by any stretch of the imagination. Actually, I rarely cook much at all; only basic dinners for my husband to take with him to work. I tell you though, tonight's dinner may (hopefully) change that cooking aversion for me if all TF recipes taste that good.

Dinner was Beef and Green Bean Casserole with Cauliflower Rice. Both recipes came from the Tony Ferguson website. Let me just say, I'm completely sated. I can see this recipe combination will become a favourite for me. Together both dishes tasted amazing. I hope the hubby likes it because he's going to get it quite often regardless.

Mental health wise, things weren't too bad today. I had to do a huge shop at the local grocery store so I would have some healthy food options in the house for the start of my TF journey. As always seems to be the case, I was nervous about heading down to the shopping centre. It took me until mid afternoon to be able to take that step. Thank goodness for the need for healthy food otherwise I would not have gone. The Body went through the familiar height changes as I entered the shopping centre. It didn't shrink too much though, considering how much the height can change at times, so it wasn't too off-putting. I survived the entire shop with minimal discomfort, although by the time I was ready to head towards the check-outs I was ready to dump the full trolley and run out of the centre. I didn't, but you know what it's like.

Depression and Weight Loss

Gawd, I feel shocking today. Wish I could get rid of this freakin' depression. It's been hanging on for so bloody long now ... months on end ... not that I'm ever really free of it.

Totally over it! Give me dissociation any day (over depression at least). Pity the two seem to go hand in hand though, at least for me.

How I wish that my psychiatrist would just give me some anti-d's. In my journal, which he reads during every appointment, I've written enough about the possibility of going back on the anti-d's. However, during appointments I've been unable to actually ask for them, so ... *sigh*.

Anyway, I've been reading through the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program website and forum over the past handful of days. I followed the program for a time back in 2007 and did lose quite a bit of weight if a shirt I bought for a new job I got back then is anything to go by. Memory fails me regarding how long I stuck with the program and how much I lost though. After two plus years break, I've even ordered a month's worth of shakes and associated paraphernalia. I'm not sure which part of me wants to lose weight or why they want to lose weight, but I think I'm totally behind them on this one. Let's go for it!